R.A.W. Voices

November Survey

 In November we posed the following questions to our site visitors and this is what they had to say:
 

• A. "We have family dinners EVERY night. Each child gets special time with Daddy. We spend as much time as possible together as a couple and as a family." - Stephanie, Army Wife
• A. "Arrange Power of Attorney, Put bills in order, double check important addresses and phone numbers like military contacts in your husband's unit, learn how to light the water heater pilot light, Put all annual items in order (car inspection stickers, taxes, dog tags...) Find a handyman, Arranging items in boxes hubby may want you to mail to him later, Taking a family vacation (we went whitewater rafting with our sons and then hubby and I spent a week in Vegas!!!" - Lisa, Army Wife
• A.  "Prayer...lots of it....just staying positive, you have to." - Lexii, Army Fiancé
• A. "We show the kids on the globe where daddy will be, we let them ask questions about where he's going and how long he'll be gone. We discuss the things we will make daddy while he's away and how we'll welcome him home."  - Erin, Army Wife
• A. "We make sure that all of our paperwork is updated, we talk a lot to each other and also our kids. We try to spend a lot of time together as a family and also try to have each kid spend lots of one on one time with their dad before he leaves. At the same time, we try to keep things normal because everyone is already stressed about the upcoming deployment. - Kelly, Army Wife
• A. "I make sure all the legal paperwork is together. Spend as much time with my husband before he deploys." - Alicia, Army Wife
• A. "Encourage our child to participate in packing, exchanging a treasured item with his dad for him to take with him. Let our son ask as many questions as he can. We don't dwell on it but we make sure he understands enough for his age. We get information about the deployment location so he can see where his dad is going. We also buy special stationery with matching envelopes for each the soldier and our son to write to each other on. When those envelopes arrive he knows that it is from his dad." - Shannon, Army Wife
• A. "I make sure that my husband and I have some quality one on one time as well as him with our daughter" - Mercedes, Army Wife
• A. "To Prepare We try and spend as much "family time" together as possible. We implemented "family movie night" every Saturday, where we rent child friendly movies and we project them onto a big movie screen in the family room and have popcorn. The kids love it, and my husband and I love that we can do something we all enjoy, MOVIES and EATING! HA! We also try a lot of one-on-one with the kids, I'll take one out for the day for some Mommy-Child time, and he'll take the other out for some Daddy-Child time. We find this builds strong bonds, and helps him to connect better with the children. When they do deploy we discuss where Daddy is, and what Daddy is doing, ("helping people" who need it most.) When they say they miss him, I don't dismiss it as unimportant, or change the subject like many have advised me to do, insterad I am honest with them, and say "I miss him too, and that h e is doing a great job, and he is needed there, just as much as he is needed here. Daddy can't be in two places at once." They pretty much accept that response. - Angie, Army Wife
• A. "We go on vacations!!" - Jyl, Army Wife
• A. "To prepare we tried to spend a lot of time together and we talked about how daddy was going to go away for a long time but would miss us all...we tried to plan dates with each other to get the much needed time alone before he left." - Anonymous
• A. "My oldest is 2 so she doesn't really understand, however, we compare her Daddy to her favorite cartoon "Go Diego Go". We tell her that daddy has to go help some people like Diego helps the animals." - Jackie, Army Wife

• A. "I make sure they send an email everyday or every other day. I let them write whatever they want and I try not to read what they wrote, so they can have their own communication with their Dad. We also like to make cards, pictures and scrapbook pages to send to their Dad. They usually get to talk at least 2-3 times a week."
• A. "We had our first baby while he was deployed. I would put my husband on speaker phone so our baby could hear him. I would also show him pictures."
• A. "Email, video chat, cards, postcards, and phone calls."
• A. "We have made a video of daddy reading, she has a special picture of him she keeps with her, and we went to build a bear and recorded his voice to one of the animals. She also talks to him when he calls and I talk to her about him everyday."
• A. "We record my husband reading stories, I make a DVD and now she has a great movie to watch with her Daddy on it - we keep photos of him everywhere and we always say goodnight to him before bed"
• A. "No children yet"
• A. " My spouse e-mails daily, and will write parts of the e-mail specifically to our children, and then I type their reply back to him. He calls weekly at the same time, on the same day, (trying to keep the consistency.( So we look forward to that call, and we send lots of care packages. The children make art projects, etc. and we mail those as well."
• A. "We email back and forth we write letters and such...and as crazy as it sounds say good night to daddy and talk to him like he is here with us sometimes."
• A. "Take, send and show lots of pictures, make video's. My husband plans to make a video of him talking to each of our five children this time and reading them stories and writing them their own letters."
• A. "The Internet is a Life-Saver! We constantly are sending emails, sending videos, using the webcam. The kids also make Daddy artwork to send in each care package."
• A. "Let them know that daddy loves them but his job makes him leave for a long time."
• A. "Tell him that his dad loves him and misses him and I give him extra kisses and hugs "from dad". Whenever we are fortunate enough to chat online we let our son chat right with us if he wants to."

• A. "COMMUNICATION!!!!! Keeping it positive and not bringing up issues that usually can resolve themselves."
• A. "We make sure to communicate and no fighting. We value the time we do get to talk because you never know what might happen after the phone is hung up or when you will hear from him again. We also talk about all the things we have done and are going to do."
• A.  "We are just engaged...but to me just knowing the Man I love s fighting for my freedom makes the love stronger. I know no miles nor time can break the love I have. and again lots of praying and keep being positive"
• A. "Is there such a thing? Talk as much as we can but never try to argue because you can never finish a fight long distance and you don't want to spoil it the for the next time you get to talk."
• A. "A lot of communication and try to stay positive."
• A. "I feel that if you are strong when they leave, you'll be strong when they return. Marriage isn't easy whether your deployed or not, it certainly doesn't make it any easier having them gone! However, distance DOES make the heart grow fonder, and my husband and I are living proof of that. Whenever he returns from a deployment, I am reminded of just how lucky I am to have him in my life, and he says the same about me."
• A. "Communication, sacrifice, and determination."
• A. "Tell me the answer to that one because we are working on that ...people seem to think that just because the other person is gone there will NEVER be arguments or disagreements or anything"
• A. "We do fine on deployments, but while he was in Baghdad (three months of his 15 months gone), I kept my video camera and computer on. As I went to bed, hubby was getting up for the day and we would video chat to say good morning/night. As I went to bed, he was getting up and we would log on to say good night/morning."
• A. "You just do. You know that the love you have for him will last forever and you keep them in your heart always. My marriage has had it ups and downs due to the military but I know my husband is doing something heroic and I stand by him 100%."
• A. "We (in our letters, emails, etc) have virtual dates where we both describe in deep detail a date for the two of us."

• A. "A lot of communication and letting him ease back into the household. We also spend some quality time together."
• A. "It takes time, you have to give them time to readjust to being home with the family again. We talk alot, I try to remember that he needs, wants to be included in things I've done alone for so long."
• A. "That's never easy, but we took a family vacation and then take it one day at a time."
• A. "Holding each other and looking into each others eyes."
• A. "Send our daughter to family and he and I have a few days to get to know each other again."
• A. "Last time we went to as many workshops and trainings that we could on reconnecting."
• A. "Not sure yet...still waiting for him to come home!"
• A. "This is his first one he has been gone 10 months and I am already getting nervous about how I should act when I see him again and such. I just know that we have already planned a weekend away together to just be together and get to know each other again."
• A. "We've been through 10 deployments and it may sound funny but after about 15 minutes it seems business as usual and. This transition seems so easy because of the great communication we have. As little as the communication may be make it worth it."
• A. "It may sound strange but we tease each other. Its almost like being on the school playground watching a couple kids with crushes tease each other."
• A. "My husband and I are fortunate enough to have relatives that will take our children over night, and we go on "dates" periodically. Within the first month or so of him returning home we go away for a few days alone, without the kids and reconnect that way. We sit and have a drink or two, and discuss what's been going on, with both him and I fully aware that the other had a lot of stress on their shoulders, and knowing that we will never "FULLY" understand all of the stresses that the other endures during a time of deployment."
• A. "I let him know when he gets in my space so he'll back off."

• A. "Yes, I believe it has. I say again, as I said in an earlier answer, if your marriage is strong when they leave, your marriage will be just as strong if not stronger, when they return. People that get divorced "because of a deployment" had problems LONG BEFORE the deployment, they just come to a head and seem much larger when the spouse deploys, and feels, "out of the picture."
• A.  "When people feel like they can't do it anymore, they give up....YOU have to be strong. There is no greater gift than love and if you are willing to throw it away, you may never find it again, because if someone is willing to love you and stay faithful and you throw that away, you just threw away God's Greatest Gift. Love like there isn't a tomorrow...and if you know that you can't handle being in love with someone who CHOSE to fight for his/her country....then let him/her go before you break their heart."
• A. "I feel that this is very sad, but I can also understand it. I always tell everyone this, a great marriage is based on friendship first. My husband is my best friend, I tell him absolutely everything. We have our ups and downs, but we always know that we will make it through these hard times. One thing as a wife, is that when I get frustrated about him being gone or working late, it's not him that I am mad at, it is the situation and staying mad or upset never solves anything."
• A. "I think that a lot of the divorces are from people that were not ready to get married on the first place. A lot of the time soldiers get married really fast and when they are young."
• A. "Its unavoidable for some people. They already have a weekend marriage from one point or another and putting a relationship on hold for any length of time just makes those issues increase. You have to be realistic and able to not jump to conclusions while your spouse is away."
• A. "I can see why a lot of divorce happens 15 month well anything beyond 12 months is ridiculous.  My husband came home after 6 weeks of being gone for r and r ...so we had 12 more to go it was insane ...I can see why the divorce rate is so high though each starts to feel lonely disconnected and just I guess seem to fall out of love."
• A. "A year with your partner and a year without is a very hard concept to grasp in a marriage. I am not surprised at the divorce rate. People change during deployments. If you do not have a platinum marriage to begin with, it is almost impossible to survive in this lifestyle."
• A. "I think that the spouse who is left behind is usually, but not always, to blame. Infidelity on both ends is senseless and stupid. I really don't have respect for those who get divorced due to that. Usually the soldier is the one who is "screwed over" regardless if its his/her fault. But also I've seen a lot of young soldiers get married right before a deployment just so they can have someone waiting back home. They usually have just met this person and don't know them. So its not a healthy situation at all. But I can see the soldier wanting to have someone waiting but at the same time it is not good and the situation usually ends in divorce and the soldier worrying the entire time they are deployed putting not only themselves at risk but my soldier as well and that irks me. And with the increased deployments it really does take a toll on a marriage and unless you have good communication then I can see where it can lead to a divorce."
• A. "A lot of people can't handle the stress and separations. Sometimes it's not the separations, but the reconnecting."
• A. "I think too many people rush into marriage from fear of what could happen during a deployment. And if you have problems to begin with a deployment will not fix them."
• A. "This is a tough life, but I knew that going in and I couldn't be prouder of my husband for his service or prouder of my family for ours as well.
• A. "Some people just aren't strong enough for this life. Unfortunately there are tons of men and woman that have affairs when there spouse is away and its sad."